Thursday, July 31, 2008

"I Hate My Newborn Baby!"

I found the following ob MSN Online:

"I Hate My Newborn Baby!"
A new dad confesses: They're not always bundles of joy
Add this page to favoritesBy Steve Belanger, Men’s Health

Week 1
The first few days are a blur of exhilaration and exhaustion. I sit holding that little ball of flesh--all 6 pounds of him--and I can't believe how lucky I am.

On the third day, we take Matthew home. My wife and I are looking forward to spending the next 3 months together, raising our boy. After that, she'll go back to work and I'll stay home.
The parenting books say the average newborn sleeps about 19 hours a day. That's how long our boy cries. He never naps, and at night he sleeps for just 20 minutes at a time, and only when he's being held. This makes it tough to follow the first rule of having a newborn: Sleep when the baby sleeps.

Week 2
Clearly something is wrong. We take Matthew to the doctor. "It's just a little intestinal distress," he tells us. "It's fairly common and nothing to worry about."

Meanwhile, my wife, Kelly, and I start sleeping in shifts. She goes to bed at 7 p.m. while I sit in the basement with Matthew for, inevitably, 5 hours of crying. Then at midnight, we switch for 5 hours.

Before, the basement had been my sanctuary. Comfy couches, big-screen TV, every man's dream. Now it's my prison. I lose my temper 50 times a night. Sitting there alone in the dark, exhausted, I'm overwhelmed. "Why are you doing this!" I scream at him. "What do you want me to do?"

Week 3
I hate my newborn baby. There, I said it. Nobody ever says it. But if what Matthew is going through is fairly common, then I'm sure more than a few men have thought it. It's always "Coochie-coochie-coo!" and "Oh, he's a handful, but he's worth it." Yeah, right. Am I missing something here?

I'd waited 42 years to meet this kid. Now I want to return him. Or ask for an exchange. "Do you have any quiet babies that I could take instead? No? Would you mind looking in the back?"
I feel like the worst dad ever.

Week 4
Two more doctor visits and no improvement. We switch to formula, replace Matthew's bed linens, and start using a humidifier in his room. We're desperate for something, anything, to click. Friends say things like, "Just wait. One of these days he'll start sleeping, and your life will change." Every time he dozes for more than 15 minutes we think we've turned a corner. But then he wakes up crying, as if someone has just poured a bucket of ice water on him.

Week 5
The doctor thinks maybe Matthew has a milk allergy, so he wants us to switch to a soy-based formula. We start him on a Saturday.

The next day, my mother-in-law comes over to give us some relief. Kelly and I each go our separate ways. She takes care of some stuff around the house, and I lock myself in front of a day's worth of NFL games. By dinnertime, my mother-in-law is deeply concerned. "He's getting worse," she says.

I call the doctor, who advises us to allow the new formula a few more hours to work through his system. At 10 p.m., Matthew is as miserable as we've ever seen him. We decide to take him to the ER.

Then, as we're getting ready, something crazy happens. He falls asleep in my wife's arms. We don't get our hopes up--we've fallen for this trick before. Fifteen minutes later, we take a chance and lay him down. Still out cold. Then we dare to crawl into our own bed.

That night, he sleeps 6 hours straight. It's the breakthrough we've been hoping for.

Today
As I write this, Matthew is sitting in his bouncy seat looking at me with a smirk on his face. He's 6 months old, and he's already my best friend. Every night he listens to my troubles, cooing his understanding or praising me with an encouraging fart. But for his first few weeks on this planet, we did not get along. Not at all.

Looking back, I feel incredible guilt--not just for having had so much hatred and anger, but for how selfish I'd been. Many new parents are facing real problems. Their kids are sick. They're having trouble affording basic necessities. They're doing it alone. My wife and I were together 24-7 and parenting knocked us on our asses.

To those struggling parents, I say best of luck.

To my wife, who's now back at work, I say thank you for giving me such a wonderful son.
And to my boy, well, I'm sorry about the things I said to you during your first few weeks. I promise to make it up to you for the rest of your life. I love you, buddy.

Hang in there. It will get better. They’re your future. Treat them with respect. Give them love.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Why Get Stressed Out?


Why do parents get stressed out over their children? Don't you realize that they won't be young forever? They're going to be grown up and they're going to move away and you will look back over the years that your children were home and you will see all the times you wasted by being stressed out over nothing. yelling at your children, sending them to their room, spanking them.


Times you could have spent laughing with your children. Times your could have spent having fun with your children. Times you could have spent being the parent that your children think you are.


Children are precious and they don't have a say in the matter. They don't mean to stress you out. They're just being children. They're doing what they're supposed to do - play and have fun. The problem isn't with the children, it's with your attitude.


You need to change your attitude. See the humor in your children, not the stress. Change the way you look at things and your life and your children's lives will change for the better. Children learn by watching you. If they see a stressed out parent who snaps over nothing, they're going to grow up an be the same way.


I don't know about you, but I don't want my children to grow up being stressed out. I want them to grow up and enjoy life. I want them to enjoy their children. I want them to be just like me. When you think about that, you'll start to see things differently and you will start to make better choices. Remember, be the parent that your children think you are.
BC is a professional speaker, Christian comedian and author. His current book is Daddyhood, a humorous and thought provoking book about life with his two boys. BC became a dad for the first time at 52 and the second time at 55. His life has been wonderful ever since.