Thursday, July 31, 2008

"I Hate My Newborn Baby!"

I found the following ob MSN Online:

"I Hate My Newborn Baby!"
A new dad confesses: They're not always bundles of joy
Add this page to favoritesBy Steve Belanger, Men’s Health

Week 1
The first few days are a blur of exhilaration and exhaustion. I sit holding that little ball of flesh--all 6 pounds of him--and I can't believe how lucky I am.

On the third day, we take Matthew home. My wife and I are looking forward to spending the next 3 months together, raising our boy. After that, she'll go back to work and I'll stay home.
The parenting books say the average newborn sleeps about 19 hours a day. That's how long our boy cries. He never naps, and at night he sleeps for just 20 minutes at a time, and only when he's being held. This makes it tough to follow the first rule of having a newborn: Sleep when the baby sleeps.

Week 2
Clearly something is wrong. We take Matthew to the doctor. "It's just a little intestinal distress," he tells us. "It's fairly common and nothing to worry about."

Meanwhile, my wife, Kelly, and I start sleeping in shifts. She goes to bed at 7 p.m. while I sit in the basement with Matthew for, inevitably, 5 hours of crying. Then at midnight, we switch for 5 hours.

Before, the basement had been my sanctuary. Comfy couches, big-screen TV, every man's dream. Now it's my prison. I lose my temper 50 times a night. Sitting there alone in the dark, exhausted, I'm overwhelmed. "Why are you doing this!" I scream at him. "What do you want me to do?"

Week 3
I hate my newborn baby. There, I said it. Nobody ever says it. But if what Matthew is going through is fairly common, then I'm sure more than a few men have thought it. It's always "Coochie-coochie-coo!" and "Oh, he's a handful, but he's worth it." Yeah, right. Am I missing something here?

I'd waited 42 years to meet this kid. Now I want to return him. Or ask for an exchange. "Do you have any quiet babies that I could take instead? No? Would you mind looking in the back?"
I feel like the worst dad ever.

Week 4
Two more doctor visits and no improvement. We switch to formula, replace Matthew's bed linens, and start using a humidifier in his room. We're desperate for something, anything, to click. Friends say things like, "Just wait. One of these days he'll start sleeping, and your life will change." Every time he dozes for more than 15 minutes we think we've turned a corner. But then he wakes up crying, as if someone has just poured a bucket of ice water on him.

Week 5
The doctor thinks maybe Matthew has a milk allergy, so he wants us to switch to a soy-based formula. We start him on a Saturday.

The next day, my mother-in-law comes over to give us some relief. Kelly and I each go our separate ways. She takes care of some stuff around the house, and I lock myself in front of a day's worth of NFL games. By dinnertime, my mother-in-law is deeply concerned. "He's getting worse," she says.

I call the doctor, who advises us to allow the new formula a few more hours to work through his system. At 10 p.m., Matthew is as miserable as we've ever seen him. We decide to take him to the ER.

Then, as we're getting ready, something crazy happens. He falls asleep in my wife's arms. We don't get our hopes up--we've fallen for this trick before. Fifteen minutes later, we take a chance and lay him down. Still out cold. Then we dare to crawl into our own bed.

That night, he sleeps 6 hours straight. It's the breakthrough we've been hoping for.

Today
As I write this, Matthew is sitting in his bouncy seat looking at me with a smirk on his face. He's 6 months old, and he's already my best friend. Every night he listens to my troubles, cooing his understanding or praising me with an encouraging fart. But for his first few weeks on this planet, we did not get along. Not at all.

Looking back, I feel incredible guilt--not just for having had so much hatred and anger, but for how selfish I'd been. Many new parents are facing real problems. Their kids are sick. They're having trouble affording basic necessities. They're doing it alone. My wife and I were together 24-7 and parenting knocked us on our asses.

To those struggling parents, I say best of luck.

To my wife, who's now back at work, I say thank you for giving me such a wonderful son.
And to my boy, well, I'm sorry about the things I said to you during your first few weeks. I promise to make it up to you for the rest of your life. I love you, buddy.

Hang in there. It will get better. They’re your future. Treat them with respect. Give them love.

83 comments:

Gabriel said...

dude..........i feel your pain...

Agi said...

we have a 18 day old girl in the house. we totally feel you. we would go as far as to say we hate our newborn too. i am really looking forward to her putting on some weight so she can sleep more than two hours at a time at night.

Anonymous said...

YOU SHOULD HAVE HIRED A BABY NURSE!

Billy said...

I am there right now. I'm sitting beside our 18 day old bundle of *joy* right now. Will she ever go to sleep? My wife and I are at each other's throats some days, and we started off so supportive of each other. I was so incredibly happy the first few days but life has become miserable lately. The simplest tasks seem so complex with little to no sleep. My nerves are frayed, my temper which was never an issue seems to flare routinely.

We thought we had a handle on this 'baby thing' after the first week... how naive. Some days I feel so incredibly inept. Through the sleepless nights I still feel incredibly blessed. I have a healthy baby girl (with a healthy set of lungs) which is exactly what I wished for. What I didn't realize was that I'd be taking care of a baby and my wife. I wasn't ready for the emotional turmoil she's going through, it compounds everything. I know we'll make it through this and we'll be stronger in the end... but sometimes I want to scream.

Anonymous said...

@Billy......Hand in there bro, it get's better. When we had our first daughter we lucked out with her being born a chunky monkey and bigger babies tend to sleep better and have less issues. But I will admit there was a huge adjustment, going from being able to do whatever I wanted whenever i wanted to now being responsible for this little life. Five years later this little girl is my life, there's nobody i love more, and we're welcoming our next little girl next month. To all the fathers out there, it does get better. Picture in your mind what you would like to see happen everyday and eventually this will become reality, I promise. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I have a 3 week old right now, but it feels like I have a 3 year old. I completely agreed with every negative thought you shared and laughed along as I feel them all, but am encouraged by your last post. Thanks so much for this!

Anonymous said...

I HATE my newborn. I never wanted him to begin with and now I'm stuck with him forever. Fatherhood is a nightmare. I work from home so I have been able to get NOTHING finished. My life is over and it's all his fault.

Anonymous said...

i'm right there with ya. this is the worst thing i have ever done. our newborn is driving me insane....all she does is scream and crap. i now understand why Moses was tossed in the river.

Anonymous said...

Try 5 months of what you experienced. With twins. I still hate my babies.

Anonymous said...

ever think its your fault for choosing to have a baby? you're responsible for the creation of his life yet somehow he's to blame? grow the hell up

Anonymous said...

I needed to hear someone else say this. There are times when it takes every bit of patience I have to not have a violent breakdown. This is our second child and I thought that my frustration came from not being used to babies. Now, I know that it's me. I hate newborns. The number of hours that I work are not conducive for counseling, but I need some help. I am afraid of what I might do.

Anonymous said...

Mine is exactly a month old today. I've struggled more trying to keep my wife & job happy than the baby, but now as I start to really split more time with her I am reaching that same point. I need them to be rational...if he's crying he's either hungry, wet, gassy. But the fact is, sometimes they cry for no reason and that fact makes it a miracle to me that mankind has lasted thousands of years instead of just bludgeoning their first offspring to death and rendering us extinct.

I do feel better reading these posts though. I'll really feel better when I can take a decent unrushed shit in peace.

Anonymous said...

my daughter started 3 weeks ago today n all she does is cries allday no matter if u hold her, have her on her belly, in a bouncer, in a chair in the swing, she dont sleep, she refuses her naps, wont drink her bottles, no signs of teething, she doesnt like me to get near my son she screams harder so he i feel doesnt get attention anymore...i am a stay at home mom and this is enough. she is on the 6th diff formula, acid reflux meds and NOTHING IS WORKING I AM AT WITS END

Anonymous said...

My 2 month old son cries, constantly! Cries about every two hours at night and needs to be rocked back to sleep, which is why he sleeps in a bouncer. He eats 4 ounces, about every 2 1/2, sometimes 3, hours. he also cries all day, unless we're in the car; my shocks (on my car) are bad, so its real bumpy. My husband works all day, monday - friday so I barely ever get a break. He can't get up with him at night, but takes him Saturday mornings so i can sleep in but i usually only sleep from 6am-10am... Now, all of this wouldnt be so bad if i didnt also have a 19 month old to take care of, too. When im real tired i try to sleep when they both take a nap but it rare that theyre down at the same time.

Ive talked to my OB and he prescriped me PROZAC but ive only been taking it 4 days...i feel im becoming more fustrated and nothings getting better. Im barely 19. I dont hate my children but i often think of how my life would be completely different had i not gotten pregnant.
Help!

Anonymous said...

I used to love kids and babies i went to study early childhood education when i got married i wanted babies right away and got pregenant after 6 months now i have a 4 months baby and it's hard i had lots of hard time with breastfeedind until now first three months with nipple pain severe pain and now whenever i feed him he pushes away and cry he has stomache problem lots of gas i don't know when it gets better and if it'll at all sometimes he cries sooo much that i leave him in his bouncy chair and walk away to my room just to breathe and for 5 minuted not to hear crying

Anonymous said...

As a parent of a 2 month old, each day I feel as if she was a huge mistake. I love my wife and hide t,his well from her, but I've already made plans for a vasectomy. One and done. I wish I never had the the little piece of shit.

Anonymous said...

Newborns are hard. I just had my second child (father here) and completely regret it. I forgot how infuriating newborns are (I have a 5yr old daughter and don't remember how I survived the first year).

I am praying for SIDS to take the pain away. I don't think I'd act if the bugger starts choking.

Anonymous said...

I hear ya man I been a father for almost a year and im glad when im at work or shes not home, cuz I hate dealing with her I wish it was me and my wife alone again, its my fondest wish

Anonymous said...

You guys need to hurry up and get a vasectomy,and gives these baby up for adoption,the baby cry so much and can feel the hate from you bad parents,am praying to God to protect these innocent lives.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I think I will probably be the only positive point of view here. My son turns 1 in less than a month. My girlfriend and I have been living with her parents since March of 2011. Our living situation isn't the best but as everyone keeps reminding me, the job market sucks. Anyway, yes, newborns are hard. Babies are hard. You're up all night with some of them. One suggestion i can make is do a feeding schedule. My son was sleeping almost through the night at 3 weeks, no joke. Do I think my life would be easier without him? Yes! But can i think of a world where i'm not with him, no. If so i would be miserable. Babies are FAR FROM EASY and ours happened due to 7 doctors in two states said she had a better chance of winning the lottery twice than ever having a child. Now we're just waiting for the money to come rolling in.

But even though there are stressful times and it wears on my relationship with my girlfriend, there are also times where a smile out of our son can change my day completely. The two of us can fight, but when it comes to our son we only ever want what's best. So yeah, there have been those times where I can't take it or I'm gonna scream out "HULK SMASH!!!!" but having him look up at me while I give him his bottle and i see his eyes glisten, it makes everything around us just disappear.

Anonymous said...

I'm having so much fun with my second child that if I hear anymore crying I am going to drive my car into a tree at 80mph. I really don't know what possessed me to have the second - perhaps more to make the wife happy. I now understand that I've made a 20+ year mistake. I hope I never let on to the child that I regret having it.

Anonymous said...

Things are a bit better now that my baby is 6 months but I still feel with 100% confidence that I will never have another. My wife doesn't want me to get a vasectomy although I surely would, but luckily she is happy with one child too so is getting an IUD.

Anonymous said...

Wow newborns are no joke. Some are easier than others, but really prepare yourself for absolute hell for the first couple months. But I promise it DOES get better. My son is turning five months in a few days and the last month has been absolute BLISS compared to the first two. My husband put it in a good way when he described the night of my labor as one really long night that lasted two months. He still hates taking his naps, but he sleeps well at night, gets up once at 5am to feed. Your babies are just trying to adjust to living outside the womb. They don't mean any harm by what they're doing. If you think you're in pain, they're feeling it 10x worse. Keep your head up. I believe any parent of a newborn is a good parent no matter what thoughts or feelings might creep up.

Anonymous said...

Despite the above attempt to embrace all the baby BS. I still feel that babies suck, and I'm just not able to delude myself into thinking otherwise. Kudos to you all who want em. As for me, I learned my lesson, and now onto vasectomy.

Anonymous said...

I FUCKING HATE MY GOD DAMN INFANT. I WANT TO FUCKING KILL THE STUPID SHIT. HE NEVER STOPS CRYING AND IT PISSED ME THE HELL OFF!!!! I BEAT HIS ASS AND PINCH HIM HARD AFTER 20 MINUTES OF HIS SHIT AFTER I'VE TAKEN CARE OF EVERY POSSIBLE THING THE SPOILED LITTLE SHIT NEEDS TO JUST DIE!!!! I WISH CHILD SERVICES WOULD TAKE HIM!!!!!! GAH!!!!!

Mr. Kev said...

I'm in the very same boat. I had twins born premature. They're at 2 months, but were born at 30 weeks, so they're just up to their actual due date. My wife pumps, we fight constantly and most times I feel like I hate them. I'm tired, I'm tired of them, I get no time with my wife to enjoy life and I want to punch everyone who tells me, "It gets easier, it gets better." I'm ready to bail out on my life at this point. I just can't stand it. I want to believe it gets better but I see no improvement and no way of the quality of my "life" getting better. I seriously can't understand how this could be deemed enjoyable by anyone.

Anonymous said...

you guys are horrible. I read this post and I understand it. Yes it sux when they cry. It sux u can't understand what to do... but to say u hate someone who didn't ask to come in this world. Who looks at u as there everything. Did u know that in a child eye their parnets are god. U guys scary me to I wish I could report some of u because u are the ones who would lose it and hurt the baby with out thinking. U all seem like u would shake the baby. And toss the baby down in to bed hard. I feel that if u feel u hate ur baby either start talking to someone or give the baby to someone who will care and enjoy the crys. I don't think any of u deserve u babies... look of storys of babies who's life were taking because the parnets lost it. They didn't have that chance in life to feel love. They got nothing but pain and hurt and the death. U are all gross and need help before something happens u didn't think before u did

Anonymous said...

Piss off, this is a forum to vent. For most of us, we are all bark and no bite. I'll assume you are a woman so cannot understand a mans frustration with shitty babies. I personally would never hurt my baby, but at times fantasize I never had her as I occasionally is my old life dearly. And lying to yourself about your happiness when the little fucker is screaming at 3 a.m. Is just delusional. As I said before, one and done, next stop- a testicle snipping.

Anonymous said...

Didn't think I would be alone with this at all.
I have inherited a certain discomfort around babies and all that comes with them from my Father so my Mother tells me.
Got a 3 week old and I haven't been able to tell anyone that I hate it. Family visitors etc, they all get the "yeah I'm tired but fine" piece but inside I am super tense all the time.
Put bluntly, it is shit being a parent and the worst is that I saw it coming.
It seems that from initial searching around there is little in the way of sympathy towards what a guy goes through and I fully appreciate of course what a woman goes through but mentally, it is doing me in. I am not of unstable mind so a doctor need not be involved, I doubt they can turn the racket into a calming tone in my mind.
This is going to be very, very tough.

Anonymous said...

I wish I could say it gets better but overall I'd be lying. My baby does some cute things, but they are trumped by the crying, constant attention and messes. I know I wasn't meant to be a father. Too bad it took a shitty fucking kid to teach me this. Plus with a baby, instantly watch your wife turn middle aged physically and mentally. Divorce and ditching them is very tempting. And obviously a vasectomy tpsothehorror show isn't repeated.

Anonymous said...

feel the pain I an in it also. At times I want to bounce him around the roon with a racket. I know it gets easier but I was happy with one child why did e go get another. Plus advice to any others stay single enjoy life and be generous to others who have kids but dob't do it yourself.

Mimi said...

Have you tried watching the happiest baby DVD?

Mimi said...

My wife and I have 5 week old twins. I know from our 3 year old, who sleeps now an average of ten hours a night, that after a short while it gets better. But being the provider, a student, and the occasional super dad I started thinking that suicide might be the only way to finally get some rest. I watched this video called "THE HAPPIEST BABY" and it instantly made life so much easier for us. I've mastered the swaddle and I do it all the time!!!! For you potential child abusers I see posts of give this a try! Your baby needs your happiness!!!! These techniques are magic.

Anonymous said...

My son is nearly a month old and already I am so f'ing sick of it. I want to believe it gets better, and every dad I know tells me it's worth it. Well, either they're right, or completely high. I think I could tolerate the crying if I could put him in the crib and close the door behind me. But the wife won't allow it. I'm expected to hold the little animal while he screams for no reason and pace the floor until he falls asleep which is about a quarter past never. It's all I can do not to stare daggers at him whenever he starts up for no reason. The amount of time we spend just trying to keep him quiet is astonishing. I fantasize about duct taping his mouth shut, drowning him in the bath, smashing his skull against the wall until he stops breathing. No, I would never actually do any of those things, but now, for the first time I understand why someone would do that to a child. Trying to put the baby to sleep is the biggest waste of time I can think of. Just put him in the crib and close the frickin door. Nothing either one of us does has any effect, but I'm expected to soothe the baby. Soothe the little monster from what? He has every need tended to. He's gonna scream, he may as well do it alone and leave us in something resembling peace. The amount of care I have for this child is dwindling rapidly.

Anonymous said...

I would say it gets only marginally better. My baby is one year now, and it was the shittiest year of my life. I will NEVER have another. I would likely choose divorce over it and I love my wife dearly. Even now, my 1 yo cries very frequently for no reason and cannot entertain herself for more than a minute. I admit that I am too selfish for children. I wish I had known this prior.. One and done for sure.

Anonymous said...

Lol I can't explain how much I agree! I wouldn't say I hate the little fella, but I was pretty close, he's 5 months now n he's perfect, he sleeps fine and stops crying quick, plus he actualy looks cute now, instead of at first where they look like gollem from lord of the rings, but yeah hang in there n don't get tempted to put ur hand over the babys screaming mouth lol, its so worth it in the end cuz u can just see how much they appreciate it when they look at you with those little eyes

Anonymous said...

As the best man at my brothers weddi, I will be taking him aside and giving him the hard truth about kids. They totally suck and I've learned to hate them.

Anonymous said...

What a bunch of douchebags. Your babies are crying because you don't bond with them. You aren't stuck, and you don't have to fill their lives with hate. Give them up for adoption before you turn them into little sociopaths like yourselves. They'll have a better life and you won't have to spend all day being a loser who hates their own child. Win win.
What the fuck did you think parenting would be like? Did you expect to put your crotchspawn on a shelf and ignore it until it grew up? I feel so sorry for your poor unloved babies. What a shitty way to start a life. You suck and should probably die in a fire.

Anonymous said...

I'll assume the previous poster is a woman and therefore had a 9month bond prior to earth. And really? The babies cry because of no bond? A total load of BS. Go back to reading Good Housekeeping and don't visit sites like this if you can handle what's written here.

Anonymous said...

I am a woman, but feel enormous empathy for the men here.
I had a son who was a very good baby, and because of this, the Health Visitors said ''you will never be this lucky again, your next baby won't be like this one''-so I definitely decided that One was enough. Even so, my husband left us when son was 4yrs, and he went on to have a daughter who was a little sh*t. She was hell.
She is a teenager now, and is still a monster.
Women do tend to ''trap'' men into being fathers, and it isn't fair.
I got pregnant , so say ''by mistake'' but it was on purpose.
Yes, it was very wrong, and unfair on my husband, but it is a VERY common thing for women to plead ''it was a mistake'' when in fact the baby was very much planned.
My health visitor used to say ''men don't like babies'', and I do think she was correct in this.
WHY should men have to witness the birth, and to be grossed out at the sight of it all? Men in ''primitive'' societies aren't expected to do such things-probably for a reason.
And I fully understand thew rage that can come from hearing a baby scream endlessly.
My neighbour tricked her husband into having a baby at 55 [he had 3 grown up kids from an ex wife] and the new baby was awful...it 's screaming made ME fantasise about smothering it, about doing anything to make it shut the hell up!! [it was placed in a room next to mine] -thank god they moved, but now a family with two babies lives there..and the screams, though not as bad drive me mad, and I simply hate the sound of stupid crying. Plus, babies are so bloody ugly-vast maw blaring open, stupid scoopy tougue pulled up as it yells...the writhing limbs....maybe swaddling does work.
Best stick at one child....life is much more peaceful.
No squabbling, no competing for attention...
Good luck to you all...and to make you feel less bad, a friend who ''loved children'' and was very sweet tempered was driven so mad by an adopted child that was a pain that she picked up the toddler's doll by the ankles and swung it hard against the wall.
She said the level of anger was frightening, and that she never felt so violent before. Children are hard work.It is a miracle any of us survive to adulthood.
Researchers found that screaming babies is a universally loathed sound, and that battered babies have particularly irritating cries. Akin to a mechanical ripsaw.
Frustrated? please walk away from the child...don't care what your wife says..if you need peace, for goodness sakes, leave the house. Please don't hurt the kid, no matter how hard you mat want to.

Anonymous said...

I am a single mom of triplets. The dad ran off with someone when he found out I was pregnant so therefore no emotional or financial support. Having one baby is hard..X3... definitely a challenge.. I don't hate my babies but it is definitely easier to love them when you have had some sleep. They are now almost three months old and I'm up about six times a night still.

If you want to love them make sure you get some r&r and after you take care of them make sure you do things for you. It does get better and honestly if a 21 year old with no support from anyone can do it so can you.

Anonymous said...

I can't imagine having more than the one that the wife and I planned.. kudos to you. Kudos to the dad that ran too..he's the smart one .. especially with triplets.. I can't even begin to understand how hard that would be. My daughter is three now and there were times I felt like pulling my hair out when she was a newborn..it felt like she hated me because I had to work a lot and my wife took care of her so she cried all the time when I held her..now shes daddy's little girl. I can't imagine a world without her. And hey instead of having to pull my hair out I just started losing it..kids do a number on ya.

Anonymous said...

After the excitement of finding out I was to be a dad and over the entire term of the pregnancy I never thought I'd find myself saying this but I THINK HATE MY NEWBORN!

when he's asleep he looks gorgeous and I love him to bits, but that's where it ends! He doesn't cry, he screams at the top of his lungs as if he's been tortured! Normal crying I can handle but this screaming makes me want to drop kick the fucker through the window as it grates on my every nerve!

I know he's getting used to life out the womb but its like he's just totally shit scared of everything!

What really pisses me off with him is that through out the day he eats then sleeps pretty much straight away. Yet come bed time the little shit eats then won't settle! It's like he does it on purpose. The only thing that shuts him up is either keeping him latched on to my wife's boob or give him a dummy (obviously comfort things)! If you give him a dummy the stupid little twat can't keep it in his useless mouth for more than 5 minutes. As I type from my bed where i just want to sleep I can hear the incessant sound of him sucking on it just and i'm just waiting for him to drop it and start kicking off AGAIN! I can picture his little jaw going for it and its literally filling me with anger cause I know at 3pm he wouldn't be doing this!! If it was up to me I would either duck tape it to his mouth or lock him in his own room put some ear plugs in and let the fucker cry!

I prey to god that its true and it will get easier because at the minute I really wish this little shit was never born and it was just me and my wife again!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh yes, men and babies were never made to be together- African societies, so called ''primitives'' never have the problem with bawling babies, simply as the baby is constantly with it's mother. Mum is there and the baby when it is hungry or just wants to suck, it is easy.
The men of those societies just go off hunting, and really I do believe that men and women are fundamentally different.
Women want the baby, women trick the man into giving her the baby, and then she [in this modern society] expects the man to help look after it.
I don't believe it is in a man's nature to look after a baby.
My half brother was born when I was 8, and I expected a little friend...WRONG! what was born was a bawling egomaniac, and one night when the bawling was too loud, I heard a commotion outside as dad dismantled the cot from their bedroom, carried it downstairs, and put it in a far off room, and dumped the baby in it.
My stepmum was heard crying ''I thought you were getting up to comfort hi-hi-hi-mmmm and you just put hi-him down stair-hair-hairssssss!!!!'' sob wail...

This was a ''much wanted'' baby according to the family, but even so, Dad hated, just hated babies.
He said ''babies are a pain until they are five years old''.
He used to put me in my pram, take me to the park and walk off leaving me bawling while he read the paper in the far distance.
As to the dads of newborns...yes, the sounds babies make are irritating- and the bawling is intolerable- it is pitched at a level garuanteed to irritate, and you can feel the tension rise as the baby starts to stir, and the whimpering turns to a full out assault on the eardrums.
Having a baby does tend to be the kiss of death of relationships- it does change them for ever. The baby does take precedence as far as the mother is concerned- millions of years of conditioning ensure this- You Tube has some real bawlers- ''My colic baby'' yields some really top class screamers.
It is ok to FEEL angry, but babies do eventually grow up, it seems to take forever when they are at the bawling, nappies stage, but one word of advice....stick to ONE child. Two are FAR more work than one plus one- the older baby will regress massively when baby number 2 comes along, and then there is the endless squabbling as they get older. ''Only'' children are quieter and happier according to researchers. I asked a single 'child' [aged 20] if he was happy- he replied ''I was as happy as a pig in sh8t being an only child''.
To anon who loathes the sucky sound of the dummy...that baby would far rather be sucking on a boob....but has to make do with a bit of rubber- my own son never had a dummy, as the fuss when it is ''spat'' is too great- he went without, and discovered his thumb...now, a thumb cannot ''be spat'' like a dummy, and is always within reach, doesn't harm the teeth [my son has fine adult teeth]- so...ditch the dummy, and maybe your bawler will find his/her thumb-which is more silent when being sucked.
One day, these horrible days of sh8tty nappies and bawling will be a distant memory.

Anonymous said...

If i saw you do that to a child i would knock ur teeth in call child protective services urself and get the child away from u

Anonymous said...

These helpless babies didnt ask to be born to shit fathers! Leave your wife and never see your baby again. The child will thank you for it...

Anonymous said...

My baby is 2 weeks old and I understand its frustrating, but how can you hate your child and say such horrible things? I look forward to waking up at 5 AM to feed her when she falls back asleep at 3AM. I wouldn't trade her for the world, even when she screams for an hour straight from gas or pees while I'm changing her diaper all over her clean sheets and clothes. Yes, its frustrating, but you people are acting like your children intentionally make you miserable. Its rediculous.

Anonymous said...

This forum is for venting, better to do it here than in real life against your child. Writing is therapeutic and children can be extremely annoying, and IMO, vastly overrated. I bet a lot of the posters are first time parents who are learning the hard way how much babies suck. I agree with the above poster about "primitive societies" having it right, and letting the women do pretty much all infant rearing. Men lack that gene that enables compassion to a screaming shit bag.

Anonymous said...

Holy shit one of these guys has to be my ex husband! He was psycho like these previous posters. We are obviously divorced after his behavior with our baby girl that's now seven. I might be a woman but I didn't bond with my baby for several weeks. I have a 10day old right now and I'm lucky to have a husband that's not bat shit crazy

Anonymous said...

I am a woman. I felt like a lot of you when I had my son. I wanted to leave my house and never come back! It is worse if you are a woman because all of your peers are "so in love with our new baby!" And busy posting 5 million pics of their baby on facebook.

If you ever dare say that you don't particularly like babies or find them ugly and obnoxious you will become a social leper. Plus you're expected to have all these 'motherly instincts'... whatever those are! It's a nightmare. I don't like loud noises or do well with little sleep. I don't like being glued to the little screamer 24/7 due to breastfeeding. I need my space!

Not to mention what it does to your career.

Anonymous said...

Apparently my daughter is 'a good baby' and it still irritates the hell out of me. Just assumed I'd bond but no emotion beyond irritation and hatred. Really regret having her. As far as I can tell, my life is basically ruined. Can't imagine what parents with screamers or problem children are going through! Maybe a service where we loan out these hated babies to expecting couples before they reach legal abortion dates so they can make informed choice (and we get a bit of respite)?

Anonymous said...

Today, the world [or at least England] is waiting for the future king/queen of this country to be born- the mother to be is in hospital on the hottest day of the year- and Prince William is dutifully by her side.

They have no fear that William will take against the baby, as he won't have to look after him or her. Nannies and large, far-distant nurseries are what royalty have, far away enough never to hear a splutter or wail- all the royals were brought up with nannies.

But for the rest of us, well, we have to put up with it. I am a woman, and love my son so much- he is an adult now, but when he was a baby, and I was young, it was quite overwhelming. He was a very ''good'' baby, but I do sympathise with the men on here who are shocked by their offspring. I don't think for one minute the anguished authors would ever do what they suggest, and as others have said, this place is for venting- people who can write out their feelings at least are far less likely to actually hurt a baby. A baby is hard, hard work, but in the scheme of things, they do grow up fast. Modern society is to blame for so much, men ARE genetically programmed to hunt, and NOT to child rear- so women really do need to take responsibility of the baby, and not expect the man to do too much- when the baby turns into a child, then the man can do far more, and usually does. There are lots of terrible dads about- but then there are equally terrible mothers- people enter into having a baby far too easily- men ought to use condoms if he seriously wants to avoid being saddled with a baby he does not yet want- and the child support, not to mention the hurt feelings of the unwanted baby when he or she grows older...children can be wonderful- babies are not ''children'' as such- but they soon will be. I do think fathers can get post natal depression as well, caused by the huge change in their circumstances- zero sex, and a tired wife..but as the news gives updates on the half hour about the royal baby, there at least is a couple who won't be affected by sleepless nights- nanny will be on call!

Anonymous said...

Kate planned a natural birth - if she'll do that for her child I doubt she'll be leaving her baby with a nanny for any more time than she has to.

Babies don't just need food, dry nappies and warmth to thrive - have you never been fed and warm and dry but still needed comfort, or entertainment, or just physical cintact with another person?

If you find it too hard to help with the baby you could do the cleaning, cooking etc to give the mum a chance to look after babe and not keel over from exhaustion - it will get easier and sooner than you know.

Anonymous said...

Why the fuck did you get pregnant and keep your baby?!

Anonymous said...

I can't stand the sound of this fucker crying sometimes. He'll be fed , burped , in a fresh diaper & in his littles rocker ... But does that stop the little Fckn car alarm from blowing my ear drums out , for no reason ?! Course not , but when I pick him up , it's like Fckn magic , I wonder what'll happen if I put him in his stroller and roll him down a Fckn hill ? He was so quite & calm in the hospital , even the first few days at home he was fine . But now I'm trying to find a hand gun on the black market so I can relive myself from the misery ... Not to mention how much he doesn't want me & his mommy to have grown up time . I hope this gets better , because if it doesn't , I'm Gnna jump off a. Fckn bridge , shoot myself on the way Dwn after swallowing rat poisen !

Anonymous said...

He stops crying when you pick him up because you are what he needs! You and his mama are his whole world right now. He's not trying to give you a hard time, he's having a hard time. And as for grown up time be inventive - he naps in the daytime right? ;)

Anonymous said...

I currently have a three month old and can only wish that we never had her. (Yes to all you women that think we're terrible fathers) I know it's not her fault for entering the world. But I don't want her to be my world and don't want her to be my future. I cannot stand the little fckr! I try to convince myself i love her but all I can think of is walking out into the woods, find a bear and try to fight it so I'll die doing something vaguely interesting unlike taking care of a damn child! I don't see "daddy's little girl" when she peers into my eyes but instead "daddy's an ATM". She irritates the sht out of me!! I hate the little brat! Unless you view caring for a child as your future your SOL. It's highly depressing to watch your life wither away and pretend to everyone you actually give two s***'s about the kid. Why can they not seem to figure out an alternative birth control aside from condems for men!? Apparently women's birth control only works when THEY want it to....

Anonymous said...

I'm a dad.... FML. Worst thing I have experienced. I don't wish it upon anyone, not even upon that piece of sht Ted Bundy.

Anonymous said...

It can take time for a dad [and even a mum] to form a bond with a baby- We live in such different societies today-years ago we would have had relatives living nearby who could help care for the child/ren.
To the dad who hates his daughter, she cannot yet see you as a cash machine, and that is under your control- for sure, spoiling kids by buying them things is the fastest way to make a grade ''A'' brat out of the nicest kid- what kids need is not endless treats and toys, or clothes [look at that misery called Suri Cruise] but time spent with their mum and dad doing nice things, stories, walks, fishing, exploring-when I look back on my own childhood, the things that I treasure most are the things that were free, or else very cheap.
Babies are generally unrewarding to dads. If men really want to avoid getting trapped with a baby, then vasectomies can be a permanent worry free answer.
I know three men who have had it done, and the relief of never being saddled with a bawling baby again makes the discomfort worthwhile.
One of these men didn't even have any children- it was his partner who loathed them with a vengeance.

Kids are annoying-even as I type this, I can hear high pitched screams of neighbour's brattish spawn ring around the gardens. People have far too many kids in my opinion. One is plenty- two is more than enough, but to keep churning them out, year on year is just insane- and very selfish. We don't want to hear your hellspawns! Thank you, Mother of one.

Anonymous said...

Fuck you

Anonymous said...

Go fuck yourself

Anonymous said...

Fuck off

Anonymous said...

Instead of asking stupid questions, perhaps you should just go back to fucking your cousin in the ass

Anonymous said...

Stop complan babies need luvs and breast milk. They need mommies now. You guys is bad exzamp@{

Anonymous said...

Newborns are fucking ugly. I always laugh at people that go" Ohhhhhhh! Soooo cute!" No not cute at all. Your fucking kid looks like an old plastic bag.

Anonymous said...

All you "fathers" out there that are crying and whining should never ever have a child nor deserves a child... I am a mother of soon to be 5 kids.i nevrr struggled with any of my children!! They make me and my husband happy... unlike all you ugly father's out there. My husband is really good with our kids and he loooves taking care of them!!

If you cannot stand a baby nor want a baby then maybe you should give him/her up!! I pray for those innocent life's in your hands because you seem like a really bad ugly so called father!

Babies cry but if you know how to calm him or her down then you wouldn't have a problem with them. Give your child up for adoption or leave him or her with their mother! IF she's not as ugly as you are!

I have a 11 yr old, 9 yr old, 7 yr old, 1 yr old and another on the way which should be here in 2 more weeks and I CAN'T wait to meet MY LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY!

I love all my kids with all my heart and I have never ever said I hated them. Im glad I have a MAN in my life. I feel bad for your kids and your gf or wife's

Anonymous said...

My gosh you are horrible!!!! You say that about your daughter right now... just wait until she gets older you will wish you never said that. She will grow up looking up to you, coming to you for advice instead of the mother. I hate to say this but she will love you more than she prob would love her mother. But the way you talk about her I have a feeling she won't be in your life for long. I feel so sorry for your daughter cuz her own father can't stand her and prob dont even lover her. God bless her heart. I pray she has a bright and great future.

Anonymous said...

I really think these fathers DO love their babies. Having a baby for the first time can be overwhelming and not everyone handles it well. I consider this blog to be kind of like a therapy session, so I highly doubt they will hurt their babies. Please think before you open your mouth.

Satan's ballsack said...

To the mom of 5:

Nobody gives a flying fuck how you raise your kids. You sound like an entitlement cow. " Oh look at me! I 'm a Super moomy gvvggvvgg!" Did you want some sort of medal for spreading your legs and popping out an armada of hell spawns? You sound like one of those moms that harass other mothers for not following the "mommy rules". Now piss off and take care of your children instead of being online.



Anonymous said...

why are there so many woman on on a dads blog ? Creepy

Anonymous said...

I am so glad to hear another pissed off father. I got remarried in November 2011 and my new wife wanted another baby. We had 3 kids between us. The youngest being 13. We were over the hump and actually had free time to ourselves once in a while. She wanted another baby. I said absolutely not and wanted to get the snip. I tried explaining to her we could actually enjoy each others company in a few years, maybe go away together. Even the thought of having another baby sent me in a rage. Well low and behold she didn't want me to have the operation and she got pregnant. I have never been more miserable in my life. It's been 18 months and sometimes I still have to go out to my truck and punch the fucking roof over and over again to get my rage out. Our lives are fucking over!! Forget about any fucking time for us now. When I'm 50 I'll have a fucking ten year old. Fucking woohoo!! I have worked 3 jobs my whole life so I could start to slow down and relax in my forties. Well motherfuck that idea!!! Nope, I'm out buying fucking diapers and chasing an 18 month old all fucking nite after a 12 hour work day. Fuck me!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I first posted here about two years ago shortly after my baby's birth. I periodically visit this site to remind myself what he'll it was and to stay strong and NEVER have another kid. It should be mandatory for all newlyweds. I explicitly told my younger brother when I was best man, don't fuck up your life with kids.

Shiroi Kira said...

When you aren't a selfish shit you can love your baby despite the hardships. A woman deals with far more for the baby and it's stressful and more draining for them. You missed the whole point of this story.. Ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

Ugh...

Anonymous said...

Glad I'm not the only one who feels this way . My first kid lives with his mom. I rarely remember any of his first year. Second kid with my girl now. He's almost two. It was hell and I knew it would be. But that time is gone. I knew I never wanted another one. Now I'm sitting here with a one month old in my arms just hating it. I want her gone. If it weren't for jail she'd have flown out the window long ago. And I knewwwww what was coming. We found out the first month she was pregnant again. I wanted to abort it. I know I have NO patience for new borns. I feel absolutely no love for this kid. I wish it would choke in its sleep or just simply die. I hate babies. I have no time. If I could go back in time I would cut my own balls off to avoid having this little girl. I hate changing her holding her feeding her. Fucking life ruiner. If I would have just left her three years ago I'd still be. Single and loving it. Hate my life now

Anonymous said...

To the unfortunate dad whose selfish 'baby addict' wife wanted a new baby to coo over, I utterly sympathise. You should have just gone ahead and had the snip-no matter what she says. She has children enough already. This baby will ''not be a baby'' for long-and yet she has saddled you with yet another child you didn't want. Men, get vasectomies.Women are cunning,& get pregnant at the drop of a hat. Just have the snip and be done with it. But, do be aware that you can still be 'fertile' for up to six months afterwards. If the dad with the new addition really hates it , he can always leave. Not easy, but WHY don't women listen? -the seem programmed to splitch out baby after baby.

Anonymous said...

My prayer for all men who have posted on this blog is that God will grant you the peace, strength and patience to get through this difficult time. I am a father of 6 week old twins with colic so I am not talking out my ass. This is a season. Life is a test. Lean on God, pray for patience and seek wise council. What ever you do, DO NOT act out any violent urges. I will include all of you in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

It's spelled "you" dipshit. Work on your grammar, then tell other people how to feel. Oh, and fuck off.

Anonymous said...

First posted here over 2 years ago when I was hating life. My daughter has grown on me, but I still will never have another. And when I hear of my friends becoming first time parents, my only emotion is pity.

Anonymous said...

I just want to say FUCK ALL YOU MOMS who come here bashing a place where Fathers you can vent.... It is unbelievably frustrating for me to have spent all the money I did, be the only one to feed and spend time with the child while she was in the NICU (mother had a long recovery from c-section), change the diapers, play, feed and YET MY DAUGHTER STILL LOOKS AT ME LIKE AM A FUCKING STRANGER and SQUIRM and become STIFF AS A BOARD WHEN I HOLD HER LIKE AM SOME SORT OF MONSTER, ... I can't put her to sleep because she can't settle with me now... She gets excited to see her mom, and instantly calms when she is holding her.... YOU MOMS WHO ARE CHASTISING DON'T KNOW what its like to give sooo much emotionally and physically and essentially be shit on by these newborns.. just because they have a breastfed connection with their moms.. It breaks my heart my daughter doesn't seem to look for me for comfort or support... so much so I am toning back my efforts with this child

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Anonymous said...

Think about it. Your wife didn't want you. She wanted another baby, and didn't wanna look like a whore. Sorry, but, maybe that's the sad truth. You can't know that. Just think about it.

Anonymous said...

I know how most of you feel but I would never harm my kid.

2 years ago my life was perfect I had 3 sports bikes 2 cars a fuck buddy and an amazing life. My week consisted of working a 10-6 night shift followed by sleep then out on a bike or car to meet up with friends or go to the FBs. That was until I met the current gf. 1 month in she ended up pregnant even though she never shut up about not wanting kids yet. So we went to get it sorted and all of a sudden she decided she can't take tablets because she can't swallow them.

So where am I now.

I've tried to stick by her my bikes are gone my cars are gone I'm now living 40 miles away from my nearest friend. My life consists of working a night shift coming home feeding a squawking baby before having an hour sleep before I have to take the stupid bitch to work.
I hate my baby with a passion. I've been told it's baby blues. And I have postnatal depression. I don't though I just didn't want a kid and don't want a kid. I have lost everything I'm skint all the time everything I loved has gone and my life is empty. You may say but now you have a baby to fill your life.... I have no feeling at all for my kid I've tried everything to bond but all I have is hatred for him. I'm at a point now where I just don't care about anything or anyone which scares me because I used to be the one who helped people when they were low. Now I'm alone I have no friends any more my bitch of a girlfriend is only here because she can't afford to live alone so uses me. My sex life is dead so I'm sexually frustrated all the time. People see my son as a cute baby I just see him as then end of my life. After an argument between me and the gf a cup was thrown at me as she stormed off. I took a piece and ran it through my arm. I felt nothing it was like I was completely numb. Now all that is on my mind is how I can die. I regret selling all my bikes as I could go easily on one of them a fast death.

Baby's been going to her mums for a couple of nights a week for us to try and resolve things and make a go of it..... I don't want to though all I can think about is that I have to go get him again. I just want to leave him there her mum can give him a better life than I can she can love him and give him the affection he needs. I can't I know I'm a bad dad but there's nothing I can do about it I'm not interested in being here or being a dad. I just feed him and put him in his rocker seat when I'm stuck with him and leave him there. He cries and whinges and it makes my blood boil all I can think about is how much I want to die.