Two Are Better Than One

When Austin was two my wife decided that he needed someone to play with. I suggested we get him a dog. It's cheaper, doesn't make as big a mess and we can name him Brother.

She wanted another child. I didn't think I could give that much love to another child, but when he was born I realized that it was so easy. Now I have two boys and my life is filled with love from both sides.

Bill Cosby said that you can't be considered a parent until you have two children. This is very true. One child is too easy to raise. You need at least two. Then, when something goes wrong, you have no idea who did it. Plus I can't walk in my living room because their stuff is scattered everywhere.

Walking through my living room barefooted is like walking through a mine field. I will never do it again.

A Changed Man

Before my first son was born I did drugs, smoked pot and drinked myself into oblivion. It came with the territory. i was a professional comedian and worked in bars every night. It was there and i did it. When my son came along I realized that if I was to raise him right, I had to get right first. So I gave up my career and the drugs and pot and alcohol and I became a changed man.

I thought I had gotten rid of all my pot stuff like the bongs and roach clips and pin s and t-shirts and stuff, but my son, who is now six, found a pin that I still had with the words, "A friend with weed is a friend indeed" on it. So he put it on his shirt and wore it to school like a sheriff's badge. And he got sent to the principal’s office. She called me and said if I wanted the pin I could come to school and get it.

I declined, of course. I just told her that she could have it or throw it away. Now I’m searching the house for every little thing I can find that relates to pot. After all, I’m on the PTA board. I don’t need this kind of crap in my life.